dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
did i just pee glitter
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
