I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
