I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
