2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
