I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
