Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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