You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
