There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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