Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
