Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
