I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
