i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
