you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't turn off my feet"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
