all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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