Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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