grandma shit on top of the toilet
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
