Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
