I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
