i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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