am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
