Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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