There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
