found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
