In the future we'll all be gay
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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