She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
