He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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