the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
