i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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