A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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