1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
