i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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