I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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