Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
