I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
