well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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