Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
