I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
