***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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