just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
