Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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