You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
