omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
