If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
