woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
