Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
