Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
