I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
