So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
