Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
