Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
